I will be the first to admit I was not afraid to give my kids spankings when needed.
Well here is how my story goes for my change of heart. We were up visiting Jeremiah's brother Ryan and his wife Ann. I had finally gotten the kids to bed each being spanked at least once (most likely twice). I am not even sure how we got onto the subject but Ann informed us that she doesn't spank her son and won't let Ryan either. Well I just thought that might work for you but not with my kids.
On the way home I got to thinking about how often I spanked my little ones and how I felt after and how my children reacted. I once heard a speaker say "your children obey for only two reason. One they respect you. Two they fear you." My children feared me. How sad.
When I went to bed that evening I knelt in prayer and repented. I asked forgiveness for treated Heavenly Father's children in such a way. I made a promise to Heavenly Father that I would no longer spank my children. Now for many night following I had to repeat this promise and ask for strength to uphold this promise. I caught myself ready to give a spanking when I was reminded very gently by the Holy Ghost of my promise.
I am proud to say I have kept my promise now for over 2 months. What blessings have I received? My children no longer fear me. I have noticed that they come and give me more love then they use to. I feel much closer to them. I also feel a lot calmer. I am able to handle the things they do with less stress and I don't raise my voice even half as much as I use to.
So thank you Ann for your inspiration
8 comments:
That is a neat story! You are such a great mom! I read a really good book that helped me calm down a little with Kaiden and deal with him in a more positive way. Ironically its called "positive discipline for preschoolers." I know not all your kids are preschoolers, but I think the concepts can easily be applied to all kids. Check it out if you want some realy good ideas/ tools to use in still being an effective but loving parent. :)
Way to make such a positive change! It is so hard as a parent to always do the right thing.
I was a person who said I would never spank--and then in the heat of the moment, I have resorted to doing so a few times. I find that when it has happened, it's because I'm out of control and need a time-out. I have learned that preparation is key in learning other ways to discipline and being able to do so in the heat of the moment. Isn't it amazing the things that we get to learn?
Thanks for the inspiration Missy. Love you to pieces!!
I stopped spanking my kids if they didn't deserve it. It's not just a reaction for me anymore. But, I do think there are times when a spanking is necessary. My kids know they've done something wrong when they get one. If you use it right, it doesn't make them fear you, it makes the think about what they've done. Probably not the best parent award nominee, but I don't think that a spanking here and there for something really worth a spanking is wrong. I just don't want to get into the habit of spanking for stupid stuff to the point of always spanking. When Shelby has taken her diaper off all day, and the sixth time is a pooper all over he bed, it demands a spank!
Steph I agree that a spanking here or there isn't bad and sometimes necessary. I think for those who can control themselves. And like you only do it when it is well deserved. I felt for myself I went over board and used it for every little thing. I feel that it was better for me if I just stayed away from spanking all together and found other forms of punishment.
Well, now that you've used us as an example, I must confess that I have spanked Isaac a couple of times since that conversation. In my defense, however, I gave him ample opportunities to obey and lots of warnings. I never want spanking to be the first resort though, but my eyes have been opened to it being a necessary option on very rare occasion. I commend you on not spanking your kids though. I am working on not letting Isaac get me mad and yelling. Clearly I'll need heavenly intervention!
I'm going to try the route one of my good friends takes... she explained to her little boy that his bum is connected to his brain, and sometimes when his brain forgets things, he gets a spank on the bum to help his brain remember things.
So when he starts doing something bad, she says, "Uh oh, it looks like you forgot (insert rule here). Do you need a spank to help you remember?"
And invariably he always says, "OH! NO, I will remember!" Sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn't, but when he gets a spanking it works out a bit better for her because it isn't given in anger or as a punishment, but to "help" his brain remember.
I dunno, we'll see how well that works.
Great lesson not only in discipline, but also in humility. You're a fine example, Missy!
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