A good friend sent me this letter she recieved. I love it. I feel too often people are expecting my boys to be perfect. I have a hard time yelling at my kids for doing kids stuff. Maybe because I see alot of myself in my children and I remember feeling looked down upon a lot for being so silly. I say we are only kids once. And if we are really lucky (as I feel I am) we will get some kids with great imagination and a lot of energy to use the imaginations and maybe once in a while they will let us join in and pretend we are kids again. Now I am not saying let your children run crazy and do naughty things. I am saying let them enjoy being children. After all they will have to be an adult for the rest of their life.
The letter is as following
Parents need to remember that a kid deserves to be a kid
The other day a friend asked me about my pet peeves. After determining the runners-up - wasting my time and buying clothing for dogs - I finally settled on my No. 1 pet peeve: expecting children to act like adults.
I am so tired of some teachers thinking that if a little boy does not sit still during school there is something wrong with him and he needs medication. I am completely incensed over parents expecting to take a child to Wal-Mart at what should be bedtime. They do this with the mistaken belief the child won't start whining, begging and - to the delight of other shoppers - screaming for the majority of the trip. Oh, and the worst is those people who get angry when a valuable heirloom, sitting within reach of a toddler, is broken.
It's time for each of us to take a minute and reflect back to a time when your first inclination at seeing a puddle of water was to jump in it, with or without your brand new shoes on. Can you remember how fun it was to run down long, vibrating, echoing halls screaming at the top of your lungs? Think of the masterpieces you drew with permanent marker on your walls, dresser, clothing and belly ... all before Mr. Eraser came along, too. Hopefully we all, to some extent or another, had the good fortune to be a carefree child. However, it seems to me we are trying to take that same opportunity away from today's children.
Children were not made to ignore the mud puddle, even in their Sunday clothes. They were not designed to be able to pass by a bowl of candy without reaching for a fistful. They need to build forts, catch fireflies and dream of unicorns. It is our job as caring adults to ensure that there is time to build the forts and that the fireflies are being caught in something besides the antique vase. For heavens sakes, we need to make certain our children know what a unicorn is so their dreams can be beautiful.
Before you all start writing to me criticizing my parenting strategies, I should let you know I get quite enough of that from my 4-year-old daughter. However, if you still feel the need to chastise me, you should also know that I do believe in teaching my children respect. I just believe that it should be done in an age-appropriate manner that keeps in mind my responsibility as the adult and their inclinations as children. As an adult I have come to the conclusion that my childhood passed by way too quickly and I am bound and determined to ensure that my children have a childhood worth remembering.
So the next time your child gets the baby powder down to make "snow" remember three things: First, imagine how neat it looked shooting out of that bottle and landing on everything. Second, why was it where they could reach it in the first place? And, lastly, don't forget the camera. This precious little child will grow up much too quickly and you will want a lasting reminder of the moment.
Amy Bates is a resident of Cedar City. She is a member of The Spectrum & Daily News Writers Group.
6 comments:
Thanks for the reminder. I always enjoyed spending time with your boys even with all of their crazy energy. You're doing a great job as a mom and know that you have to relax and let them be kids. That's something I need to remember more often.
I'm glad you liked this Missy. It actually reminded me of you because I think you are already really good at relaxing and letting kids be kids. I need to be more like you! Hey, let's get together sometime soon, eh? I'll take some lessons firsthand.
I think she's on the right track, at least. Perhaps she wasn't able to write exactly what she meant, or maybe I misunderstood, but I think her philosophy's slightly flawed. I agree it's good to understand where a child's coming from. It's vital to take into consideration his/her mental development before disciplining because we wouldn't want to treat a child like an adult. But our overall goal as parents is to help our children develop into responsible adults who can make good decisions. Just because we can understand why it would be fun to act on our impulses, doesn't mean it's necessarily a good idea. In many cases, it's harmless, and we can/should just laugh about our children's life discoveries. That's often how they learn best, but in my opinion, we still need to challenge them through age appropriate explanations on how they could have made a better choice by taking things into consideration that are affected by their actions which might not be so obvious to them. I think it's okay to have expections, as long as we explain to our children what they are. Of course, we can always do our best to prevent bad behavior, but there's only so much we can do without taking away their freedom to choose. But then again, perhaps I've missed the mark!
Missy, you were one of the best examples in my life of letting kids be kids--I get way to distracted expecting mor of my little ones even though the thing I love about myself is my desire to do some of those fun things and not let life slip away. I love watching my kids eyes light up when we do something crazy and seeing that it is okay to have fun--even moms and dads have fun. There are right ways and wrong ways and I am still trying to get those down.
Hey Missy--it has been so long since I have looked at your blog--your kids are getting so big! I put it as one of my bookmarks so I won't forget the address again--hope you are doing good! miss you:)
Thanks for the post. I often get too caught up in expecting too much from kids - especially mine, that I forget that they are kids...mostly because I was never lucky enough to be able to be one of those kids that can just be kids. Owen reminds me daily to be better at this so I am getting better now that I have him. In fact, letting him just be a kid teaches me so much about how to be a better disciple of Christ - well most of the time :). Kids are amazing, aren't they?
You are such a great mom. It is so hard to be a mom or a parent really with everyone else who has an opinion about how you should parent and how you shouldn't - I sometimes get lost in the mix. You inspire me. Thanks Missy.
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